The Humor Thread


 
I found this timely, because today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
 
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
 
Mark Silver said:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
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This ties in beautifully with this:
Rich Dahl said:
I found this timely, because today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
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She probably thought you wandered away from the nursing home. I can say that because I'm in my seventies, too.
 
Rich Dahl said:
I found this timely, because today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
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I used to work at a music store, guitars in racks on the floor, walls, music books and records in racks, the whole shebang! The place had been the Secretary of State office years before and people walked in walked right up to the counter that had cases of picks made the back wall was covered with strings, and would ask to renew their drivers licenses! Then had the brass to be upset that they had come in and we weren’t the Secretary of State!
 
Timothy F. Lewis said:
I used to work at a music store, guitars in racks on the floor, walls, music books and records in racks, the whole shebang! The place had been the Secretary of State office years before and people walked in walked right up to the counter that had cases of picks made the back wall was covered with strings, and would ask to renew their drivers licenses! Then had the brass to be upset that they had come in and we weren’t the Secretary of State!
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One of my favorite comedians is Bill Engvall with his "Here's Your Sign" sketches.

 
Hope nobody gets offended. Nationality open to change.

A guy walks up to the counter and orders a kielbasa sandwich on rye, with only mustard. The man at the counter says. "You're really Polish, aren't you?" The guy says' "If I ordered a frankfurter, would you ask if I was German? If I ordered a Genoa Salami sandwich, would you ask if I was Italian? I get tired of the disrespect my people get. Why did you ask if I was really Polish?" The man behind the counter says, "Because you're in a hardware store."
 
Rich Dahl said:
I found this timely, because today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
Click to expand...
Years ago when I was still delivering batteries, probably 2002 or so, our delivery truck had a large picture(10' X 6') of an automotive battery on the side of it. It also stated that we were the "Official Battery Of NASCAR".
I was in the back of the truck getting the customers' order ready when a young lady came out and asked what I had for them.
Without batting an eye, I told her air filters and to go tell her boss that I had his air filters.
Needless to say, when I went in the store, boss man was rolling on the floor and the young lady was quite perplexed until I pointed out the side of the truck.
And to this very day, I'll whip out an "air filters" every once in a while if someone asks what I'm delivering!
 
For those of you who remember the movie Groundhog Day. We lived in Woodstock during the filming there. My wife and daughters would regularly go to the square and watch. The girls were little 3 and 1 and wife would walk around with 3yo on her shoulders and 1 yo on her arm. Bill Murry walks up to them on one trip and starts playing with the kids and joking around with the wife. It was kind of a fun time to live there. Our pickup truck even shows up in one scene LOL. Anyway we lived next door to a lady who was a Realtor in an office downtown. You might recall the Rexall drug store in the film? Well it was her office made to look like a Rexall. She said people would simply walk in not realizing it and ask for some weird things. Mostly condoms LOL.
Also during the filming there was a HUGE fire where they showed a jeweler store. That was where the fire happened. The whole block of buildings was totally destroyed and gutted. So those store fronts were just that "fronts" only. They built wooden structures behind to hold up the brick facades, steam cleaned the smoke damage off made new signage and went right on filming. It was pretty cool how fast they did it.
The fire started in a restaurant on the block IIRC called Uncle Dan's. Well he started it on fire and then committed suicide and the whole block went up.
Just an interesting sideline to the story there
 
Phil Perrin said:
Years ago when I was still delivering batteries, probably 2002 or so, our delivery truck had a large picture(10' X 6') of an automotive battery on the side of it. It also stated that we were the "Official Battery Of NASCAR".
I was in the back of the truck getting the customers' order ready when a young lady came out and asked what I had for them.
Without batting an eye, I told her air filters and to go tell her boss that I had his air filters.
Needless to say, when I went in the store, boss man was rolling on the floor and the young lady was quite perplexed until I pointed out the side of the truck.
And to this very day, I'll whip out an "air filters" every once in a while if someone asks what I'm delivering!
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I'm a geologist/environmental consultant and early in my career, I was at a gas station collecting groundwater samples from monitoring wells we had on the site. I was using a bailer (tube sampling thing) tied to some string to get the samples. The common "question" people would ask was "you catch anything?" But this time, a guy driving by in the lot stops and says out of his window (already chuckling to himself with how funny he was going to be), "what are you doing, checking to see if they put water in the gas?" I looked up and said, "No, I'm checking to see if they put gas in the water.", which is literally what I was doing. I've never seen such a confused look before.
 
Phil Perrin said:
Years ago when I was still delivering batteries, probably 2002 or so, our delivery truck had a large picture(10' X 6') of an automotive battery on the side of it. It also stated that we were the "Official Battery Of NASCAR".
I was in the back of the truck getting the customers' order ready when a young lady came out and asked what I had for them.
Without batting an eye, I told her air filters and to go tell her boss that I had his air filters.
Needless to say, when I went in the store, boss man was rolling on the floor and the young lady was quite perplexed until I pointed out the side of the truck.
And to this very day, I'll whip out an "air filters" every once in a while if someone asks what I'm delivering!
Click to expand...
I did seasonal work with UPS a couple of years ago. When customers answered the door for delivery, more often than not, they'd ask, "what is it" lol. It got to the point where I'd answer, "I don't know - you ordered it!"
 
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