The Humor Thread


 
Just a few thinks to ponder.

Ponderings

1. If poison passes it’s expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.


Six great confusions still unresolved.


1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?

2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?



Vagaries of English Language!

Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

How come Noses run and Feet smell?

Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?


Did you know that if you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
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ETU_xSEVAAIf1OT
 
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response.
Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"
 
Bob Correll said:
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response.
Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"
Click to expand...
What'd you do next, Bob?;)
 
3 guys are at a job interview. The supervisor asks the first guy, "What is the fastest thing you can think of?" He responds "A thought - it only takes a second & poof - a thought is suddenly in your head". The supervisor says, "That's pretty good - I never thought about it like that!"
The supervisor asks the 2nd guy the same question & he says, "A light bulb. As soon as you hit the switch, bam - the light comes right on". The supervisor says "That's a great answer as well."
The supervisor asks the 3rd guy the same question. The 3rd guy says, "Diarrhea". The supervisor says, "What?!? The first 2 guys came up with great answers & all you can come up with is diarrhea?!? Explain yourself!"
The 3rd guy says "Well, by the time you think to turn on the light, it's already too late".
 
You know why we have a toilet paper shortage in this country?
They're trying to deal with this ****:eek:
Tim
 
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