The Humor Thread

[BFletcher]

 

[C Lewis]

Guillotine that bagel

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002H04WI2/?tag=tvwb-20

We bought those at my work. Although I don't eat bagels myself, it appears to work very well for those there that do. The company buys bagels every Thursday for several hundred people, so it gets a full workout, and we've had ours in our division for about 4 years.

 

[Mark Silver]

 

[Rusty James]

 

[JimK]

 

[Darren Lebner]

And if you're a rabbi it can also perform a Bris

Folks, don't try this at home!!!

 

[Mark Silver]

Folks, don't try this at home!!!

Never get a circumcision from a Mohel offering a half off sale!

 

[Darren Lebner]

Never get a circumcision from a Mohel offering a half off sale!

Thanks for the tip!

 

[Ed P]

Never get a circumcision from a Mohel offering a half off sale!

Thanks for the tip!

That's what he said.

 

[Ed P]

Reminds me of the joke about the guy that got a job at the circus, circumcising elephants. The pay wasn't much, but the tips were tremendous.

[rimshot]

 

[DanHoo]

I wish you wouldn't joke about the circus. It was in town last week and there was a horrible fire.

The flames were intense.

 

[Ed P]

I wish you wouldn't joke about the circus. It was in town last week and there was a horrible fire.

The flames were intense.

Oh, now that's punny!

EDIT: I take puns very seriously. To me, puns are nothing to laugh about.

 

[Mark Silver]

I wish you wouldn't joke about the circus. It was in town last week and there was a horrible fire.

The flames were intense.

I knew a guy who was a human cannonball in a circus act. When he retired, they never replaced him because they couldn’t find anyone the same caliber.

 

[Mark Silver]

Once at the circus, a midget clown touched my wife’s boob. I’m sure somebody put him up to it, though.

(I’ve got more, but for now, …)

 

[Darren Lebner]

And if you're a rabbi it can also perform a Bris

Obligatory - for 2 reasons, if you pay attention:

 

[Darren Lebner]

Reminds me of the joke about the guy that got a job at the circus, circumcising elephants. The pay wasn't much, but the tips were tremendous.

[rimshot]

 

[Darren Lebner]

I wish you wouldn't joke about the circus. It was in town last week and there was a horrible fire.

The flames were intense.

It was the fire eater who Barnum down.

 

[D Livingston]

Once at the circus, a midget clown touched my wife’s boob. I’m sure somebody put him up to it, though.

(I’ve got more, but for now, …)

View attachment 46037

There was also a midget fortune teller there who had escaped prison and was using the traveling circus as a way to evade authorities.

She was a small medium at large.

 

[JSaus]

Yep, have tried to pull that one off a few times.

 

[JKalchik]

There was also a midget fortune teller there who had escaped prison and was using the traveling circus as a way to evade authorities.

She was a small medium at large.

Rear Adm. Dan Gallery (nut case US Naval officer who masterminded the capture of the U-505) had a tale about a news paper report on an insane asylum inmate who abused a nurse and escape. It was entitled "Nut screws and bolts."