The Humor Thread


 
Ok, forwarning. This is not a discussion on Religion, I am not advocating religion to anyone, and I am not trying to tell anyone one religion is better than another.

This is just a Joke about a man Grilling some food. Hope it stays up and is taken for the humor it is meant to bring.


In a little Eastern American town lived a catholic community. The town had a population of about a thousand people, and everyone treated his/her neighbors well. It was very idyllic for many years.
Then one day a protestant moved to town. He started a business that did well, donated to the local charities, got along well with everyone, and the community came to accept him as one of their own.

The following year as Lent began, everyone was just sitting down on Friday night to eat their meals of Fish when the man's neighbors heard him arrive home. They did not think much of it until thirty minutes later as the smell of roasting meat began wafting over their fences. Slowly, each family sniffing the air walked to their fence and peeked over. There was their protestant neighbor pulling a beautiful Porterhouse steak over an inch and a half thick off his charcoal grill. Seeing them, the man joyfully gave a big wave to all his neighbors, genuinely pleased to see them all. They waved back and returned to their meals shaking their heads.

A week passed, and it happened again. Then again, and again. By the end of Lenten season all of the man's neighbors were suffering as every Friday night the could smell steaks, chicken, burgers, and mouth watering pork chops sizzling on the mans grill. Easter Sunday after church they called a church meeting to decide what to do. At a loss for answers, they sent word to their Bishop who told them the solution was easy. Just get the man to join the catholic church. This pleased everyone because they truly loved their neighbor.

So they all went down to his house and invited him to come to service with them. The man agreed, and after a month they convinced him to become a catholic. Everyone helped him with his classes in the church, and made such a celebration on the day of his confirmation. Even the Bishop came to town to personally welcome the man into the church. As he knelt before the priest, the Bishop dipped his fingers in a bowl of water and spritzed it on the man's face, saying "You were born a Protestant, you were raised a Protestant, you are now a Catholic!" The church erupted in applause, and everyone went home now satisfied knowing the temptations they suffered earlier in the year would no longer trouble them.

Everything went smoothly, the man was in Church every weekend, tithed regularly, and even helped out every month at the local shelter. Then the new year passed and as the first Friday of Lenten season came around, the smell of roasting meat wafted over the fences to his neighbors noses. As they ran in shocked and terrified surprise to the fence, looking over they saw the man standing over a sizzling steak with a bowl of water in his hand and spritzing it onto the meat with his right fingers saying "You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. You are now a fish!"
 
Wife’s Thoughts:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing..’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Husband’s Thoughts:

I still can’t believe that I missed that big buck this morning.
 
PHolder said:
They said someone had come in to try them on but they were too small.
Click to expand...

Someone I used to work with in IL.... their SO has to be weighed on a warehouse scale, clinic scales don't have the capacity. Worse, at this point, this individual is practically immobile, and is not willing to make the complete lifestyle modifications to change this situation. :(
 
C Lewis said:
Wife’s Thoughts:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing..’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


Husband’s Thoughts:

I still can’t believe that I missed that big buck this morning.
Click to expand...
I like that - and remember another version, related to golf:
’I can’t believe I 3 putted FOUR TIMES today.
I need a new putter’.
 
JKalchik said:
Someone I used to work with in IL.... their SO has to be weighed on a warehouse scale, clinic scales don't have the capacity. Worse, at this point, this individual is practically immobile, and is not willing to make the complete lifestyle modifications to change this situation. :(
Click to expand...
My father in law was enormous like this. When he was over 300# he said it was back when he was "thin". He got pretty well in excess of 425# before he really began declining. But the amazing thing was how strong the guy was. Remember a time about 25 years ago or so. He had bought a pontoon boat. He did not like how the axle was placed and wanted to relocate it to change the tongue weight of the trailer. So here he was with this pontoon boat and trailer held up by him alone telling me to hit the axle with sledge. I was so amazed all I could do was stand there staring and saying "you lifted the whole thing!" And in a VERY irritated voice I got "I know g0dammit hit the axle". Afterward I thought he was going to use the hammer on me LOL. Sadly though his lifestyle got the best of him and took him by 80. But oh boy he was a character. Gruff and outspoken. Never minced words.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

 

Back
Top