The Humor Thread


 
Only if I'm near something that I can pull my sorry butt back up with.:cautious: Barb is two years older than me and gets down and up off the floor like a 16 year old.
at the hardware store, getting down on the floor to search thru their fasteners, an old-timer sees me creaking and groaning to get down there.
He laughs and says 'it's pretty hard getting down there isn't it'.
I had to say, 'not nearly as hard as it is to get back up'.
Fortunately he went around the corner before he could watch my ensuing struggle to get back up.
At least I didn't bring down any of the store's shelving during the struggle.
 
While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically, (hmm), hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the politician.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules,' replies St Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich and fleecing the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, steak, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very nice & friendly guy, who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and a wave whilst the elevator rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down and so on down to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the politician.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster, steak and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and misery, and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were on the campaign trail........

'Today you voted!!'
 
While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically, (hmm), hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
Welcome to Heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the politician.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules,' replies St Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich and fleecing the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, steak, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very nice & friendly guy, who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and a wave whilst the elevator rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit Heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down and so on down to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the politician.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster, steak and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and misery, and my friends look miserable. What happened? '

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were on the campaign trail........

'Today you voted!!'
Very funny and unfortunately very true.
 

 

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