The Humor Thread


 
I have noticed that it is quicker to stand in one of the two manned checkouts at Walmart than to go through the self checkout
 
JSaus said:
Speaking of checkouts... How many times do you stand behind someone while they watch the cashier ring and bag their order and tell them the total. Only then do they start to look for coupons and after they are applied, they dig for their wallet. Did they not know they had to pay?
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And then tell the cashier to put half the items back....
 
My wife used to be "the Exact Change Lady". She would dig around in the bottom of her purse, looking for that nickel or 3 pennies she needed to make the exact amount of purchase...or she would look around for that cents-off coupon she just knew she had when she left home. If she found it, it was probably expired... drove me nuts.She lets me do all the purchasing now, just swipe the card and done.
 
Bob Bailey said:
I use the self checkout unless there is a manned check stand with nobody in line. Between slow cashiers and the dimwits that always seem to be in front of me, it's almost always faster and frustration free.
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Same here. It pisses me off to no end they exist but the lame brains that seem to be working checkout lately frustrate me enough to do it myself
 
Since we're talking about checkout and this is the humor thread, I remember back in the late 70s checking out at a Giant chain supermarket in Baltimore. Halfway through ringing up my items and bagging them, the fancy-shmancy new bar code scanner gun ceased to work.

"Darn," said the checkout lady. "Looks like we'll have to add things up the old fashioned way."

So she reached for her purse, fumbled around inside, and pulled out a Hewlett Packard pocket calculator.
 
Darren Lebner said:
Since we're talking about checkout and this is the humor thread, I remember back in the late 70s checking out at a Giant chain supermarket in Baltimore. Halfway through ringing up my items and bagging them, the fancy-shmancy new bar code scanner gun ceased to work.

"Darn," said the checkout lady. "Looks like we'll have to add things up the old fashioned way."

So she reached for her purse, fumbled around inside, and pulled out a Hewlett Packard pocket calculator.
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...meanwhile, at the checkout lane next to you, the lady at the front of the line (my wife) is trying to scrape the chewing gum off an old tarnished penny she finally found in the bottom of her purse so she can make the exact change. She drops it and it rolls several feet away. Her husband (me) is outside, about to return the shopping cart after unloading the groceries into the car, but noticing the irate people waiting in line, decides to enjoy the weather outside for a bit.
 
Darren Lebner said:
Since we're talking about checkout and this is the humor thread, I remember back in the late 70s checking out at a Giant chain supermarket in Baltimore. Halfway through ringing up my items and bagging them, the fancy-shmancy new bar code scanner gun ceased to work.
Click to expand...
Shortly after I moved to the Chicago western suburbs (mid 1994,) I was out at something like 4:00 AM, and stopped at the Jewel grocery store that was less than a couple of miles away to pick up some staples. When I got to the checkout, the cashier started looking all over the items on the belt. "Where are the prices?"

"Huh? What? Are the scanners down?"

She points to a nearly hidden sign by the entrance that I did not see, asking customers to write prices on the items with a grease pencil, due to period end processing, all of the scanners were down/disabled. And I sort of lost my cool. Apparently, all of the regular overnight shoppers knew this, and I was new to the area.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHO ON EARTH IS STILL TAKING SYSTEMS DOWN FOR PERIOD END? Good god, I work in IT and if I disabled systems for period end, I'd get crucified." Now, for the edification of those who aren't familiar with the chain, there's an elevated stand near the checkouts for the managers and for customers to get pre-approved to write a check for the groceries when they get back to checkout. My voice was raised enough to clearly carry to the manager' stand. Yes, I was a complete <BEEEEEP>, left everything on the belt and walked out. I've been in a Jewel I think once since then, and that was only because someone else was driving.

On a related note, someone I went to high school with (she married a very good friend of mine,) worked at the local grocery store until the scanners were installed. Everybody preferentially went to her lane, knowing that it could be 2 to 3 times longer than any other queue, and you'd still get out faster. She was just that good at keying prices in to the register. She quit to do something else when "any 17 year old nymphmaniac can keep up." Her words, not mine. :)
 
Ed Pinnell said:
...meanwhile, at the checkout lane next to you, the lady at the front of the line (my wife) is trying to scrape the chewing gum off an old tarnished penny she finally found in the bottom of her purse so she can make the exact change. She drops it and it rolls several feet away. Her husband (me) is outside, about to return the shopping cart after unloading the groceries into the car, but noticing the irate people waiting in line, decides to enjoy the weather outside for a bit.
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She picks the penny off of the floor and realizes that it's a dime, not a penny. She sees her husband outside and yells, "Hon? Would you look in the ashtray and see if you can find a penny?". Not wanting to get involved, he pretends that he doesn't hear her.
 
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