The Humor Thread


 
JKalchik said:
asking customers to write prices on the items with a grease pencil,
. :)
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I remember the first big box warehouse I ever went to in Columbus. Ohio. I believe it was Cub Foods and they gave you a grease pen and you wrote the prices on the package from a sign pasted by the products. Pre-scanner cost cutting.
 
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The Continuing Saga of the Exact Change Lady:

So for Christmas this year, our 17yo grandson wants the Halo game, or something Halo, I dunno, but it's $60. I was going to give him $60 in cash but our daughter thought it would be more fun to give him $60 in change. My wife goes to her change jars (she has many) and gets out nickels, dimes, quarters, pennies, even a Susan B. Anthony or two, and spends two evenings wrapping coins, and then she wants me to double-check that it's all there. Nope, not me. Come Christmas Day (today), the grandkid has 3 heavy packages to open, and we all tell him to open those 3 gifts last (NOTE: if anyone tells you to open this one last, it's probably a gag gift).

He opens the gifts, we all have a laugh, then, being a good sport, he dumps it all out on the floor and commences to count it all out. Being the kind and thoughtful grandfather that I am, I went and got him a clean pickle jar to put his change in. He counted and counted and counted and got up to $55.30 and we all wondered where the rest of the money went. We insisted he count it over again. No, not going to do that, so Grandma busts out the change jars and counts out the remainder for him.

Beware the tall teenager with a jar of coins day after Christmas! And Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!
 
...and while the kid was counting his coins, I went into the other room to break down boxes for the trash. My wife comes into the other room and whispers loudly enough for everyone to hear, "I think there might be more Susan B. Anthonys that I figured, I think I might have given him $62 instead of $60."

You can't make this stuff up. Hope everyone had a great Christmas...it's a laugh a minute in my house!
 
Ed Pinnell said:
Beware the tall teenager with a jar of coins day after Christmas!
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Fair warning, BOLA on the tall teenager, 6' 3-1/2" in his stocking feet. He grew half an inch in the past year. I'm 5'8" and shrinking, and I tell my daughter I want a paternity test (not! She's too much like me).

I told him I'm going to have to put bricks on his head to keep him from growing any more. His gf, with whom he is quite smitten, is 4'11". That's the long and short of it, I guess. I should add that my mother was 4'11", so I am partial to short people.
 
Ed Pinnell said:
The Continuing Saga of the Exact Change Lady:

So for Christmas this year, our 17yo grandson wants the Halo game, or something Halo, I dunno, but it's $60. I was going to give him $60 in cash but our daughter thought it would be more fun to give him $60 in change. My wife goes to her change jars (she has many) and gets out nickels, dimes, quarters, pennies, even a Susan B. Anthony or two, and spends two evenings wrapping coins, and then she wants me to double-check that it's all there. Nope, not me. Come Christmas Day (today), the grandkid has 3 heavy packages to open, and we all tell him to open those 3 gifts last (NOTE: if anyone tells you to open this one last, it's probably a gag gift).

He opens the gifts, we all have a laugh, then, being a good sport, he dumps it all out on the floor and commences to count it all out. Being the kind and thoughtful grandfather that I am, I went and got him a clean pickle jar to put his change in. He counted and counted and counted and got up to $55.30 and we all wondered where the rest of the money went. We insisted he count it over again. No, not going to do that, so Grandma busts out the change jars and counts out the remainder for him.

Beware the tall teenager with a jar of coins day after Christmas! And Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!
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The wife put some of the change in empty prescription bottles. I said, "You didn't give him the Viagra bottle, did you? I need to get those refilled."

I like to gross the kids out from time to time. On a scale of 1 to 10, the thought of your grandparents having sex has to be an 11.
 
Ed Pinnell said:
I like to gross the kids out from time to time. On a scale of 1 to 10, the thought of your grandparents having sex has to be an 11.
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<snicker> This took place quite a few years ago, when both of my parents were pretty hale & hearty.

My sister & her hubby have a very strong marriage. They'd built a cottage that turned fairly quickly into a retirement home, just a couple of miles away from the farmhouse where we grew up. At the time, we frequently all got together during cherry harvest in July. On this particular day, my niece was having a problem contemplating the fact that her mother (my sister) & her husband had snuck back to the cottage for a nooner/quickie. I looked at her and said "Think about Grandma & Grandpa." Whole body shudder from ear lobes to toenails.
 
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A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in the local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.'

Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.''

I know, said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

REMEMBER:

Not All Seniors Are Senile...​

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Joe Anshien said:
A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in the local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.'

Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There was only $25 in your account.''

I know, said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

REMEMBER:

Not All Seniors Are Senile...​

View attachment 42454
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I’ve twenty five years in the jewelry business and I can’t tell you how many guys used that tactic to have a good weekend! I never took it seriously but, there were times when some of the guys were just plain creepy!
 
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