My wife and I made a deal to quit smoking. We agreed to only smoke after making love. I’ve had the same pack since 1984 …
Steven Wright was a fav of mine on Carson in the 80's.Loved Rodney and my other favorite one-liner is Steven Wright.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.Steven Wright was a fav of mine on Carson in the 80's.
I was walking down the street the other night and the prescription on my eyeglasses ran out.
I took my dog for a walk around the world. When we got home I said "There your done".
I parked my car in a tow away zone. When I got back, my car was there, the zone was gone.
My pushup record is 7 in a row, but they have have to be the creamsicle ones.So my wife looks me up and down then says:
"You know, I once watched a guy do 50 push-ups. Could you do that?"
Me: "Don't be silly, of course I could. Heck, I could watch a guy do 100 push-ups."