The Humor Thread


 
Thoughts on love & marriage from Ree & Ladd Drummond
  • Marriage is just planning for dinner while eating breakfast.
  • They say opposites attract—he’s the calm to my caffeine-fueled storm.
  • Our marriage runs on love, caffeine, and the understanding that there’s no such thing as "too much butter."
  • They asked if I believed in love at first sight. Of course I do—it’s how I felt when I saw the dessert menu.
  • Marriage is realizing that "I’ll do it in a minute" has no actual concept of time attached to it.
  • Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. Take advantage of that as much as you can.
  • My wife says I'm too competitive. I told her I already knew that.
  • A wise man once said, "I don't know... ask my wife."
  • Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself—for example, I’ve learned I can sleep just fine on two inches of a king-sized bed.
  • Our house runs on teamwork—I cook, he eats, and the kids occasionally wash the dishes.
  • We swore to share everything in marriage—except the last slice of pie. That's a non-negotiable.
  • I swore I married someone who didn’t snore. Turns out, they just held back until we signed the paperwork.
  • Real love is watching them eat the burnt bacon you 'accidentally' handed over without a single complaint.
  • Before marriage, I never realized how passionate someone could be about loading the dishwasher 'wrong.'
  • They say opposites attract, which explains why one of us loves making recipes and the other loves eating them.
  • Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.
  • Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
  • At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
  • The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
  • My wife says I never listen... or something like that.
  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.
  • I walked up the aisle and said "I do." And I've been doing it ever since.
  • Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
  • Marriage is about support, like holding the ladder steady while they hang Christmas lights... in April.
  • Being married is knowing there's a 50/50 chance the other person 'forgot' to replace the empty toilet paper roll.
  • They say love is patient and kind, but sometimes love is just sharing the last piece of steak without an argument.
  • When my wife says, "I'll do it later," I know it means 'after I finish this episode, or season, or series."
  • In our marriage, every wonderful moment begins with coffee—except when he forgets to make it. Then it begins with glares.
  • Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've known him for about ten years, he's handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic... sorry, wrong wedding.
  • If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.
  • My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
  • I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months... I don't like to interrupt her.
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace." So, I bought her nothing.
  • How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
  • I accidentally handed my husband a glue stick instead of a chapstick. He still isn't talking to me.
  • Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s always fun to scream.
  • A man once got his credit card stolen, but when he was asked to report it, he said he didn't want to because the thief was spending way less than his wife ever did.
  • I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • My wife and I often exchange opinions. I come with my own and leave with hers.
  • Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, "Do you have to do that right now?"
  • They renewed each other for another season.
  • My husband said he wanted to spice things up. I told him to try the hot sauce!
  • What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
  • Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After a while, you get used to the temperature.
  • My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and he still drives me crazy. Lucky for him, I’m an excellent navigator.
  • When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
  • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down!
  • Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  • Marriage is all about teamwork; I make the plans, and my wife makes sure we stick to them!
  • Remember, love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!
 
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