The gift that says `I love you, Dad' is right on 'cue
John Kass
June 12, 2005
As you search this week for that special Father's Day gift in the hopes of honoring the kind and noble man in your life, remember this ancient, guilt-inducing proverb.
"A man may have but only one wife.
"But who says he can't have more than one smoker, the better to slow cook delicious baby back ribs for his loving family? But to begin, he needs that first smoker.
"And if the poor guy doesn't get a smoker on Father's Day, he will be bitterly disappointed, consumed by resentment until he dies a broken man, and with his last breath whispers, `Honey? Why didn't you get me a smoker for Father's Day like Kass asked you to do, in the paper? Thanks a lot. You had your chance. But now I'm dead. Well, see you later. Bye.'"
That really wasn't an ancient proverb. But it is the purpose of today's column--to goad folks into buying a smoker for their loved one for Father's Day, which means you only have a few days to go.
The common smoker looks something like a charcoal grill, but longer and thinner, bullet-shaped, exotic. But don't worry. Once the smoker is in your back yard, the Tribune will not abandon your family.
That's because the esteemed Doctor of Ribs, Gary Wiviott, an expert Chicago slow-foodist, will be discussing smoking techniques with me here this summer. And if you're interested in barbecue, you're invited to read about it.
Once your family starts smoking ribs and chicken and turkey and brisket and pork shoulder and so on, you may have quality time together. You may even have conversations. And you'll definitely save money, because you'll never again be forced to pay for high-priced yet subpar rib dinners at "Chicago's finest ribs" joints, where the meat is cooked roughly in gas-fired commercial smokers, then put aside and wrapped in foil and left to steam until you or another sucker shows up.
"I call that meat-Jell-O or meat puddin'," Wiviott said. "But after a few tries, the only ribs they'll want are the ones they make at home, cooked slowly and evenly over coals, with hickory smoke, for hours."
Wiviott serves his ribs with fine wine. I'm partial to ribs and Dr Pepper. Either way, you'll need a smoker and some cheap white bread.
Wiviott's qualifications are these: He's not a professional, he has no financial stake in this, he doesn't enter barbecue competitions, he's not a self-promoter. His main qualification is that he made the best ribs I've ever eaten and I've nominated him to be the next White House chef.
Plus, he's hefty, which is a good thing in a cook. I can't abide skinny cooks. They're aggravating, and you can't trust 'em. And another thing: Where else are you going to learn how to fix some of those famous Cow Town Dragon Turds for your next party?
"But the first thing they'll need is a smoker, preferably one that's well-vented, so you can control the temperature. You can't do barbecue without one," he said.
He's right. I tried to smoke ribs on standard grills, a gas grill with a smoker box for chips, and later a charcoal kettle. I wasted time and futzed around like a madman at all hours trying to maintain temperature and smoke. It wasn't worth it. So if you want smoked ribs, get a smoker.
"The main thing is fire management," he says. "That's the key. And you need a smoker to do that."
Some people don't smoke ribs. They boil or parboil their ribs. They probably have no teeth. Others grill their ribs, flipping every few minutes or so. That's a lot of work on a hot summer day.
Ribs are best cooked slowly, for hours, over coals, at a consistently low temperature between 225 and 250 degrees, with the smoke from hickory chunks curling around the meat. That's why you need a smoker. And guys with intelligence don't want to sweat while cooking on the weekends, which is why smokers were invented, so they can relax and still enjoy great chow.
Wiviott recommends the Weber Smokey Mountain cooker and the use of hardwood charcoal. Last Father's Day, my wife got me a Weber Smokey Mountain, and if she gets me another one, I won't complain, although this is not an endorsement.
"It's the classic cooker, a bit more expensive than the cheaper ones, but it can hold a lot, and the design provides for great venting, which is the key to the whole business of fire maintenance," Wiviott said.
Other folks have their own preferences. A friend and editor who got me started on smoking swears by his Meco electric smoker, which does not require the use of coals. I've had his ribs and they were delicious. Other folks are partial to the less expensive Brinkmann smokers. Others seek out fancy, costly offset smokers, with the firebox off to the side of what looks like a 50-gallon drum. Some so-called gourmet smokers burn fuel pellets.
But I burn coals, the way I was taught by Doctor of Ribs Gary Wiviott. And the main thing to remember is that if you love your husband or father on Father's Day, you'll get him a smoker.
It's easier than being haunted by terrible pangs of guilt.
----------
jskass@tribune.com
Copyright © 2005, Chicago Tribune
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-05061...l&ctrack=2&cset=true
John Kass
June 12, 2005
As you search this week for that special Father's Day gift in the hopes of honoring the kind and noble man in your life, remember this ancient, guilt-inducing proverb.
"A man may have but only one wife.
"But who says he can't have more than one smoker, the better to slow cook delicious baby back ribs for his loving family? But to begin, he needs that first smoker.
"And if the poor guy doesn't get a smoker on Father's Day, he will be bitterly disappointed, consumed by resentment until he dies a broken man, and with his last breath whispers, `Honey? Why didn't you get me a smoker for Father's Day like Kass asked you to do, in the paper? Thanks a lot. You had your chance. But now I'm dead. Well, see you later. Bye.'"
That really wasn't an ancient proverb. But it is the purpose of today's column--to goad folks into buying a smoker for their loved one for Father's Day, which means you only have a few days to go.
The common smoker looks something like a charcoal grill, but longer and thinner, bullet-shaped, exotic. But don't worry. Once the smoker is in your back yard, the Tribune will not abandon your family.
That's because the esteemed Doctor of Ribs, Gary Wiviott, an expert Chicago slow-foodist, will be discussing smoking techniques with me here this summer. And if you're interested in barbecue, you're invited to read about it.
Once your family starts smoking ribs and chicken and turkey and brisket and pork shoulder and so on, you may have quality time together. You may even have conversations. And you'll definitely save money, because you'll never again be forced to pay for high-priced yet subpar rib dinners at "Chicago's finest ribs" joints, where the meat is cooked roughly in gas-fired commercial smokers, then put aside and wrapped in foil and left to steam until you or another sucker shows up.
"I call that meat-Jell-O or meat puddin'," Wiviott said. "But after a few tries, the only ribs they'll want are the ones they make at home, cooked slowly and evenly over coals, with hickory smoke, for hours."
Wiviott serves his ribs with fine wine. I'm partial to ribs and Dr Pepper. Either way, you'll need a smoker and some cheap white bread.
Wiviott's qualifications are these: He's not a professional, he has no financial stake in this, he doesn't enter barbecue competitions, he's not a self-promoter. His main qualification is that he made the best ribs I've ever eaten and I've nominated him to be the next White House chef.
Plus, he's hefty, which is a good thing in a cook. I can't abide skinny cooks. They're aggravating, and you can't trust 'em. And another thing: Where else are you going to learn how to fix some of those famous Cow Town Dragon Turds for your next party?
"But the first thing they'll need is a smoker, preferably one that's well-vented, so you can control the temperature. You can't do barbecue without one," he said.
He's right. I tried to smoke ribs on standard grills, a gas grill with a smoker box for chips, and later a charcoal kettle. I wasted time and futzed around like a madman at all hours trying to maintain temperature and smoke. It wasn't worth it. So if you want smoked ribs, get a smoker.
"The main thing is fire management," he says. "That's the key. And you need a smoker to do that."
Some people don't smoke ribs. They boil or parboil their ribs. They probably have no teeth. Others grill their ribs, flipping every few minutes or so. That's a lot of work on a hot summer day.
Ribs are best cooked slowly, for hours, over coals, at a consistently low temperature between 225 and 250 degrees, with the smoke from hickory chunks curling around the meat. That's why you need a smoker. And guys with intelligence don't want to sweat while cooking on the weekends, which is why smokers were invented, so they can relax and still enjoy great chow.
Wiviott recommends the Weber Smokey Mountain cooker and the use of hardwood charcoal. Last Father's Day, my wife got me a Weber Smokey Mountain, and if she gets me another one, I won't complain, although this is not an endorsement.
"It's the classic cooker, a bit more expensive than the cheaper ones, but it can hold a lot, and the design provides for great venting, which is the key to the whole business of fire maintenance," Wiviott said.
Other folks have their own preferences. A friend and editor who got me started on smoking swears by his Meco electric smoker, which does not require the use of coals. I've had his ribs and they were delicious. Other folks are partial to the less expensive Brinkmann smokers. Others seek out fancy, costly offset smokers, with the firebox off to the side of what looks like a 50-gallon drum. Some so-called gourmet smokers burn fuel pellets.
But I burn coals, the way I was taught by Doctor of Ribs Gary Wiviott. And the main thing to remember is that if you love your husband or father on Father's Day, you'll get him a smoker.
It's easier than being haunted by terrible pangs of guilt.
----------
jskass@tribune.com
Copyright © 2005, Chicago Tribune
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-05061...l&ctrack=2&cset=true