Disagree Without Being Disagreeable


 

Chris Allingham

Administrator
Staff member
Here's a make-believe posting scenario. Maybe you've seen something like this on TVWBB or other discussion forums.

Member A: "Anyone have experience with the new Acme SuperWidget? I'm thinking about buying one."
Member B: "I wouldn't take an Acme SuperWidget if Acme gave me one for free. Poor product."
Member C: "You wouldn't know a good product if one bit you in the butt! I like the SuperWidget, best widget I own."
Member B: "Hey, just stating my opinion. I'm entitled to mine, you're entitled to yours."
Member C: "Have you even TRIED the SuperWidget??? Don't talk about stuff you know nothing about!"​

You can see there's some heat in this series of posts, and it appears to be in a downward spiral...

There will always be times when you disagree with what someone posts. The challenge is to post a reply that states your opinion without creating hostility. In other words, how to disagree without being disagreeable.

Here's an example of how Member C might have posted differently:

Member B: "I wouldn't take an Acme SuperWidget if Acme gave me one for free. Poor product."
Member C: "Can you say more about why you think it's a poor product? I like the SuperWidget because it offers a lot of value for the money. I especially like the adjustable fitzenruder valve and the multi-phase digiwiki. I'd encourage anyone to buy a SuperWidget!"​

Why is Member C's response better this time around?

  1. It is not confrontational.
  2. It seeks information from Member C to understand why he feels the way he does.
  3. It offers support for the SuperWidget based on personal, hands-on experience.
  4. It makes Member C look credible and informed.
It should be noted that Member B bears his share of responsibility in this situation. When you post a strong opinion without supporting facts, it's a little bit like tossing a grenade into the discussion, and you may draw strong criticism from others.

Bottom line: Members of an online community should not shy away from disagreement, but we should disagree in constructive ways that foster greater understanding and camaraderie between members, not tear us apart.

What do you think?
 
Well explained Chris, this is probably why this is the nicest forum I have ever seen, Great forum and Great people...... One a side note I did not realize the SuperWidget had an adjustable fitzenruder valve, I thought they all came with a fixed valve.;)
 
No mike, I'm pretty sure the fitzenruder valve has always been adjustable. The digiwiki on the other hand was single-phase up until about 2 years ago... and of course 5 years before that it was an analogwiki.

Seriously though, I agree this is probably the nicest forum I've ever seen as well. Not only are the people friendly, you don't have to wade through flame war after flame war to find something useful!
 
Good example Chris
My humble opinion as a newbie is that the the positive attitude on this forum is as important as the quality of the information both when it comes to as Brian said finding information without wading through countless flame wars, but also as it is encouraging that the risk of being shoot down in flames after posting is fairly low

Keep up the good work Chris

by the way, i've been warned that the adjustable fitzenruder valve may suffer from a faulty vacuum after some use. Anyone had that issue?
 
No they fixed the fitzenruder valve issue with the recall in 09'. If you get the models pre 09' with the analogwiki as well they can have some pretty serious reliability issues but the new models seem to be pretty reliable.

I also agree that this forum is very civil. I have yet to see one instance of anyone flaming another members posts.
 
Many forums of this size and activity level require multiple moderators. I think it speaks volumes, that TVWBB does not. :)
 
The only animosity I've seen here is from members of the "Weber Kiddie Club" and that one idiot selling jumbo joes.
 
The only animosity I've seen here is from members of the "Weber Kiddie Club" and that one idiot selling jumbo joes.
I would really like to minimize friction with the Weber Kettle Club. Some are still members of the TVWBB family, and I would like us to co-exist peacefully. Name calling only gets people fired-up. Let's not do that. Thanks for your cooperation.
 
I would really like to minimize friction with the Weber Kettle Club. Some are still members of the TVWBB family, and I would like us to co-exist peacefully. Name calling only gets people fired-up. Let's not do that. Thanks for your cooperation.
I hear ya Chris, lesson learned.
 
Chris, I've been to multiple seminars for customer service and human relations and proper etiquette.... the whole shebang!

the first time I saw your photo..... I knew I've seen you somewhere before....
 

 

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